Crossroads

I read the first chapter of one of Stu's books several weeks ago, and this paragraph, and in particular, the last sentence has stuck with me:

"As I look back on my life, I have to conclude that was the day I became a man. Turning twenty-one hadn't done it. A college degree hadn't done it. Even marriage hadn't made me a man. Nor having a son. Nor getting jump wings. Nor winning the Ranger tab. Nor wearing the Green Beret. But when I decided to follow Christ without reservation, I became a man."

So I've come to that point in my life. The critical crossroads that all believers face at some point in their walk with the Lord. Some come to it sooner than later, but we all come to it sooner or later. With the many different issues and responsibilities pressing in on me from what seems like all sides, I have to make a decision. Am I following Christ without looking back?

This may sound like an easy question on the surface, but I've learned that it is anything but. I can look at people around me who have come to this same crossroads, and chosen to go their own way. They may still be walking with the Lord, but they're holding back for one reason or another. I've been holding back for one reason or another. I keep allowing other things in life get in the way of taking a hard look at myself and see what parts of my life I have not surrendered to Christ. So I return to the question: am I ready to become a man? Am I ready to decide to follow Christ without reservation before the issue is forced upon me?

Sometimes I think changing my career will do it. This is only a temperary fix though. If I'm not walking with Christ in every aspect of my life, then I'll just fall back into the same old patterns. I could also step away from one or two of what seems like the miriad of responsibilities I have. This will still have the same result in the end. There are many other possibilities that could solve my problem for a little while on the outside, but unless, and until I choose to let the Holy Spirit change me on the inside, they will all ultimately fail to bring about any substantive difference in my life.

It may sound like I've made up my mind already. I could boldly proclaim that I'm going to follow Christ without reservation. But I know me. I know the times I've been confronted with the choice to go the right way, or do the right thing, and have failed to do so because it was "too difficult" for one reason or another. What makes me think that this time won't be different? There is a coward lurking inside this heart of mine. He pops up at the most unexpected, and inconvenient, times and begins a war inside me. Unfortunately, he often prevails. But why? I can go out on a soccer field as a referee, and make some pretty gutsy calls, and make very difficult and often unpopular decisions without a second thought because I know it's the right thing to do. Why can't I do the same in my Christian walk?

I will present one answer here. It comes from S.D. Gordon:

"...you must first win the victory, every step...every foot of the way, in secret, in the spirit-realm, and then add the mighty touch of your personality in service. You can do more than pray, after you have prayed. But you can not do more than pray until you have prayed. And just there is where we have all seemed to make a slip at times, and many of us are yet making it--a bad slip. We think we can do more where we are through our service: then prayer to give power to service. No--with the blackest underscoring of emphasis, let it be said--NO. We can do no thing of real power until we have done the prayer thing."

I know that I just talked about changing my career, but I am still in the process of doing that. I just got offered a job with the Starbucks is Canby. I really need to be able to work elseware in order to take this job and step out of the one I have now, but I'm tempted, very tempted, to just step out anyway, and line something up later. Am I willing to step out of my current job without a net? Am I willing to risk a financial struggle simply to improve my work environment? What if this is exactly what Jesus is calling me to do? With that said, I redirect your attention to the above quote, and ask myself if I will begin again to devote myself to stretching into the spirit realm and call upon God for guidence, in this, the most significant decision I've had to make since I chose to move down here.

So other than that, I had a pretty normal week. ;)